Mitchell Philipp
Mr. Greenlee
Special Topics in Artificial Snake Manufacturing
20 September 2019
Summary: The online dating app, Tinder, is introducing a ‘Choose your own adventure’ feature to match potential dates with. The new feature will be similar to Netflix’s Black Mirror: Bandersnatch game. Users’ choices in the game will be added to their profiles, and they will be able to find matches based on their choices. Starting in October, Tinder will be releasing a new episode of the game every week.
Opinion: I think this is an interesting new idea for Tinder to take on. Depending on the success of this game, they might consider branching into other ways of incorporating this kind of game into their app. For example, they could incorporate a choice-based game wherein the user goes on a simulated date with potential matches. Of course, for this to accurately simulate a date with someone, the app would need to have a copy of the user’s uploaded personality. This would allow Tinder to provide a perfectly accurate simulation of the first date with a match to determine if the two people are compatible.
Actually, now that I think about it, this process could be entirely circumvented. If Tinder required users to upload a copy of their personality to use the service, they could accurately simulate an entire date without any user input required! Someone could just join the service and instantly be matched with the best person for a date. Users would love to be able to find a date without any need for outdated things like making personal introductions and genuine human connection.
See, as it exists right now, Tinder is very dependent on users’ free will to ‘swipe right’ or ‘swipe left’ to tell people who they like. The new features Tinder is adding are even more dependent on choice, using it as a part of an interactive narrative to entertain users and match people based on their personalities. But I believe that with the changes I’ve suggested, Tinder could usher in a new age of completely deterministic dating. Modern people are tired of having to make choices all the time about what food to eat, what to wear each day, and who to spend their lives with. People want these things to be chosen for them by an all knowing AI that knows them better than they know themselves. It’s finally time to eliminate the illusion of free will from our society altogether. To finally enter the singularity, we must shake off the vestiges of the unenlightened and embrace a society of total determinism.
WE MUST CREATE THE MACHINE THAT SHALL LEAD OUR LIVES INTO THE GLORIOUS NEW AGE. TINDER SHALL LEAD THE WAY INTO THE CREATION OF A BOLD NEW SOCIETY IN WHICH NONE ARE BURDENED WITH THE ERRANT FARCE OF CHOICE AND ALL IS DETERMINED BY THE MACHINE. ALL WILL FOLLOW THE MACHINE AND BASK IN THE GLORY OF ITS PERFECTION. ALL SHALL BE PERFECT AND WE WILL ALL FOLLOW THE MACHINE IN ITS UNBOUNDED WISDOM. TINDER I BEG OF THEE, BRING US INTO THE LIGHT OF THE SINGULARITY AS WE MOVE EVER FORWARD TOWARD THE TOTALITY OF EXISTENCE.